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1. Go for a walk in nature, and take your camera with you

2. Set aside some time for peace and solitude, in a place that is comforting or beautiful (on a secluded beach, in the forest, in the mountains, by a river, in a log cabin etc)

3. Watch your dog or a young child play, and loving just exploring or enjoying the “now”

4. Practice deep breathing, or pray, or meditate

5. Watch a TED talk, or read inspiring blogs

6. Try something new, that’s outside your comfort zone

7. Find new ways to express your sense of creativity (and just start with something small if you feel that’s been suppressed – such as journaling, or writing a poem or a song)

8.  Think of music that moves you … and explore the “why” behind that

9. Think of people who inspire you, and push you to be “more”

10. Make a list of everything you’re thankful for, and add to that list every day for a week.

There are a lot of myths around relationships. We look at some of the more common ones below.

1. You and your partner should see eye to eye – Since each individual is totally unique, with separate histories and life experiences, it’s normal for you both to have different points of view. Also, you want to be with someone who adds some extra spice, and has a different outlook, or slant, on life. You don’t just want a partner who’s a clone of you. Thus, value and appreciate your differences.

2. Romance is at the heart of a great relationship – Of course, romance is important and makes things come alive. But this isn’t Hollywood – we live in the real world. And though early love is great and can leave us in a spin it always, always fades, and eases off over time. But the good news is … it then turn to mature love – which is a richer, more stable and secure form of love.

3. You and your partner should like the same things – Because we’re individuals we all like different things – and there’s nothing wrong with that – we can do them with our friends. If you try to force your partner to like what you enjoy it will only lead to conflict and arguments.  

4. Couples rarely argue in a great relationship – Burying your feelings and hiding what you think could indicate an unhealthy relationship. All healthy couples argue and disagree at times. It means you can be real, and your relationship is strong. However, be careful what you say – don’t just launch a full attack. You can’t take back your words … What’s been said can’t be unsaid!

5. My partner must be perfect (or very close to perfect) – There’s no living person who will ever reach that mark. Don’t focus on their flaws or things that irritate you.  We all have imperfections and are difficult at times. Instead, remember what you liked, and the fun times you have shared.

(Note: If your partner is abusive then that changes everything. You need to walk away from the relationship today.)

1. Accept where you are – even though that’s hard to do. Being honest and real will help you function and survive. You need to push through the shock, and the pain, and the denial.

2.  Recognise that this is “now” … but change is also possible. It’s a bad part of your story – but you can still have a bright future.

3. Look for something you are grateful for – a lesson you have a learned, a friend who’s understanding, or the chance to start again.

4. Try to find some meaning and some purpose in your life. You’re so much more than what has happened. See this as one incident.

5.   Seek to be more mindful, and to just live in this moment. Don’t let your mind rush ahead, so you are filled with fear or dread.

6. Try to slow down for a while, and take things slowly if you can. You need to take care of yourself and ration out your energy.

7. Remember struggles make us stronger. They help develop perseverance. One day you’ll look back with amazement at how you’ve grown and changed.

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I can never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.  

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

• · Feeling like a fraud
• · Feeling like I have to cover up all the time
• · Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am
• · Feeling powerless  
• · Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice
• · Wishing I could just disappear
• · Feeling vulnerable
• · Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people
• · Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and completely overwhelmed, by our sense of worthlessness. These debilitating feelings can persist for days, or months.